It's seems we all have a tendancy to go off subjec
- Thread starter Ryan
- Start date
:spite:spite
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping
channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
her someplace expensive... So, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started....
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counterasked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my
shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her? '‘Yes,’ I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.I really need you to pay me a compliment.'the husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darned near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.I told her the beer would make her look better to me at bed-time than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday.
And then the fight started.....
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from
outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn
bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!' The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
And then the fight started.....
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And then the fight started...
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?â€It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet apreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have
sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started...
channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
her someplace expensive... So, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started....
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counterasked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my
shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her? '‘Yes,’ I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.I really need you to pay me a compliment.'the husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darned near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.I told her the beer would make her look better to me at bed-time than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday.
And then the fight started.....
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from
outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn
bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!' The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
And then the fight started.....
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'
And then the fight started...
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?â€It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet apreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have
sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started...
[align=left] [/align]
Muskiet sê vir die waslap, 'Seker erg om heeldag net so te lê en vrek op een plek.'
Waslap: 'Ek het darem al gewas waar jy nog nooit
gesteek het nie'
====================================================
Juffrou in die biologieklas: 'Wie kan vir my sê wat is
'n parasiet?'
Jannie antwoord: 'Juffrou dit is 'n meisiesfiets se
saal..'
=====================================================
Koos word gearresteer vir dronkbestuur deur 'n
vroulike polisiebeampte. Sy noem dit vir hom dat
enigiets wat hy sê teen hom gehou mag word.
Koos skree: 'Tiete!'
======================================================
Skotte is bekend vir hulle Whisky
Duitsers is bekend vir hulle Bier
Russe is bekend vir hulle Vodka
Jamaica is bekend vir hulle Rum
Suid Afrikaners is bekend vir die KAK wat hulle maak
as hulle die goed drink!!!!
----------------------------------------------------
Koos is besig om liefde te maak toe sy bokkie 'n
epileptiese aanval kry.
Koos jaag met haar na dokter wat vra, 'Wat's fout?'
Koos: 'Ek dink haar orgasme haak vas.'
---------------------------------------------------
Mans is soos rooi wyn. Hoe ouer, hoe beter.
Vroue is soos melk, eers word hulle suur en dan word
hulle dik!
---------------------------------------------------
'n Engelssprekende vrou gee geboorte.
Sy vra die blonde Afrikaanse suster aan diens: 'Is it
a boy?'
Suster: 'Nee mevrou, dit is 'n wit kind'.
=====================================================
Wat is die ooreenkoms tussen 'n screensaver en 'n vrou
se gesig?
Albei verander as jy aan die muis vat!
=====================================================
Hoekom stink 'n poep?
Sodat jy dit kan deel met die dowes.
====================================================
Gehoor van die man wat gereeld sy trouvideo agteruit
kyk?
Die deel wat hy die meeste van hou is waar hy sy vrou
teruggee aan haar pa.