It's seems we all have a tendancy to go off subjec
- Thread starter Ryan
- Start date
[color=#006600]Johanvc[/color] wrote:
Ek gaan hom print en in die kluis bewaar.Dis ook ek oor 18 jaar.
[color=#0066cc]Ryan[/color] wrote:
I've got a 30-06 and I dont want to brag,but I CAN shoot...:uzi
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This one made me laugh!! Keep reading to the bottom! Merry Christmas!
CHRISTMAS PARTY
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 21st October 2008
RE: Christmas Party
I ' m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We ' ll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don ' t be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $20.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone ' s pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 22nd October 2008
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday ' s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we ' re calling it our ' Holiday Party ' . The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Pauline.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM; Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 23rd October 2008
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn ' t sign your name. I ' m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, ' AA Only ' , you wouldn ' t be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $20.00 is too much money and Management believe $20.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 24th October 2008
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees ' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I ' ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men ' s table too To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply ' No Sugar ' desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!
Pauline.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All F***ing Employees
DATE: 25th October 2008
RE: The F****ing Holiday Party.
Vegetarian pricks I ' ve had it with you people !!! We ' re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the ' grill of death ' , as you so quaintly put it, you ' ll get your f***ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feelings too, They scream when you slice them. I ' ve heard them scream. I ' m hearing the scream right NOW!!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.
The Bitch from HELL!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: John Benson.( Acting Human Resources Director )
TO: All Employees
DATE: 26th October 2008
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I ' m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline a speedy recovery, and I ' ll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
John Benson.
Becky Lucey
Admin Manager
[size=becky.lucey@persel.co.uk ][/size]
[size=Personnel Selection ][/size]
[size=90/92 High Street][/size], Horsell, Woking, Surrey GU21 4SZ
[size=T: 01483 745100 ][/size]
[size=F: 01483 766100 ][/size]
[size=www.personnelselection.co.uk ][/size]
Personnel Selection is the founder member of TEAM which is one of the UK's largest networked groups of independent recruitment and employment agencies. Some of the best talents in the industry have joined forces - one call - one solution! This email and any attachment is confidential and intended only for named addressee(s). If you are not a named addressee please notify sender immediately and do not disclose contents to any other person. We operate anti-virus programmes but cannot accept any responsibility for viruses being passed. Unless stated otherwise, opinions are those of the author not necessarily the company. Replies to this email may be monitored by management for operational or business reasons.
Personnel Selection Associates Limited Registered in England No 1002037 Registered Office: 90/92 High Street, Horsell, Woking, Surrey GU21 4SZ
[size=[url=http://www.personnelselection.co.uk/]
][/url]
[/size]
[size= ][/size]
[size= ][/size]
This one made me laugh!! Keep reading to the bottom! Merry Christmas!
CHRISTMAS PARTY
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 21st October 2008
RE: Christmas Party
I ' m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We ' ll have a small band playing traditional carols...please feel free to sing along. And don ' t be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $20.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone ' s pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 22nd October 2008
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday ' s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we ' re calling it our ' Holiday Party ' . The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Pauline.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM; Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 23rd October 2008
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn ' t sign your name. I ' m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, ' AA Only ' , you wouldn ' t be anonymous anymore!!!! How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody? Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that $20.00 is too much money and Management believe $20.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 24th October 2008
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees ' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I ' ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men ' s table too To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply ' No Sugar ' desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!
Pauline.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline, Human Resources Director
TO: All F***ing Employees
DATE: 25th October 2008
RE: The F****ing Holiday Party.
Vegetarian pricks I ' ve had it with you people !!! We ' re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the ' grill of death ' , as you so quaintly put it, you ' ll get your f***ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feelings too, They scream when you slice them. I ' ve heard them scream. I ' m hearing the scream right NOW!!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.
The Bitch from HELL!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: John Benson.( Acting Human Resources Director )
TO: All Employees
DATE: 26th October 2008
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I ' m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline a speedy recovery, and I ' ll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
John Benson.
Becky Lucey
Admin Manager
[size=becky.lucey@persel.co.uk ][/size]
[size=Personnel Selection ][/size]
[size=90/92 High Street][/size], Horsell, Woking, Surrey GU21 4SZ
[size=T: 01483 745100 ][/size]
[size=F: 01483 766100 ][/size]
[size=www.personnelselection.co.uk ][/size]
Personnel Selection is the founder member of TEAM which is one of the UK's largest networked groups of independent recruitment and employment agencies. Some of the best talents in the industry have joined forces - one call - one solution! This email and any attachment is confidential and intended only for named addressee(s). If you are not a named addressee please notify sender immediately and do not disclose contents to any other person. We operate anti-virus programmes but cannot accept any responsibility for viruses being passed. Unless stated otherwise, opinions are those of the author not necessarily the company. Replies to this email may be monitored by management for operational or business reasons.
Personnel Selection Associates Limited Registered in England No 1002037 Registered Office: 90/92 High Street, Horsell, Woking, Surrey GU21 4SZ
[size=[url=http://www.personnelselection.co.uk/]
Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman.
Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman,
'I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher,
leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a cheque.'
Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you.
But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!'
'I MUST STRESS TO YOU: DO *NOT TALK* TO MY PARROT!!!'
When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he
discovered the biggest,
meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog
just lay there
on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant
yelling, cursing and name calling.
Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,
*'Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!'** ** *
To which the parrot replied,
'Get him Spike!'
*See - Men just don't listen!*
Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman,
'I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher,
leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a cheque.'
Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you.
But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!'
'I MUST STRESS TO YOU: DO *NOT TALK* TO MY PARROT!!!'
When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he
discovered the biggest,
meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog
just lay there
on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant
yelling, cursing and name calling.
Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,
*'Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!'** ** *
To which the parrot replied,
'Get him Spike!'
*See - Men just don't listen!*
[color="#0066cc"]Ryan[/color] wrote:
I work for a big corporate and this is exactly what happens at every single work function that gets arranged. In the end, most people just avoid it but we don't get the afternoon off.
