Bad Luck

[Poseidon]

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15

years. He breaks into a house to look for money and

guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the

guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying

the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck,then gets

up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband

tells his wife: "listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his

clothes!



He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in

years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist,

don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how

much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he

gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."



To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my

neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was

gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any

Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom.

Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

 

[Poseidon]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me... I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He held her hand and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then ..........." he sighed, "let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."

 

[Poseidon]

Philemon had a bad attendance record with the company he worked for,
particularly being late for work in the morning. He was called to a
disciplinary hearing where he was given a chance to explain his reasons.

His argument: "I get up in the morning. I shower to avoid Aids, I look
in the mirror and try tuh straiten my hair. Then I sumtimes miss de texi
and then I am late."

His boss has a bright idea. He gets one of Philemon's colleagues to
sneak into Philemon's rooms and steal the mirror off the wall, without
Philemon's knowledge.

The following day Philemon does not turn up for work. The same happens
the day after that. So Philemon gets summoned to another hearing to
explain his reasons for not attending work.

His argument: "I get up in de morning. I shower to avoid Aids, I look in
de mirror. I see no Philemon. I think Philemon already left for work"