We decided to visit a nice tranquil little holiday resort in the North West for a weekend of fishing and relaxation with some friends. We arrived at our campsite and the excitement of pitching camp whilst smashing a few cold ones confirmed that the weekend was here. As we settled down with the sunset looming, rods in the water, fire going, each one of us with a glass of the Capes finest red, this distant doef doef doef became louder and louder. A frikken hatchback with 5 youngsters in it arrived to take up the campsite 200 meters from us. These okes all looked like... like ... frikken hell man, spiked hair, a quart of beer in hand and a language of bra and bru, no sweet man. We looked at each other in disgust and I could read my friends minds, "vanaand gaan ons hierdie ouens dik m...r" All we wanted was to enjoy the silence of the outdoors, the night time sounds of Crickets, Jackals and a good nights rest, our neighbours had other ideas, they were having a full go at re-inventing the Afrikaans language! The good news was that they had consumed enough alchohol on their trip to pass out rather early, but what would happen tomorrow night?
My one friend has always been a bit slow, his wife had given birth to their first child 6 months earlier, the problem was that they were both 45 years old. We had coached him for many years and he eventually got it right. This poor guy and his wife have been referred to as "Ouma and Oupa" on many occasions. Anyway this little treasure of theirs screamed her lungs out and apparently needed "white noise" to calm her down in the strange surroundings, we needed to get hold of an Oscillating Fan or the next evening we would give the youngsters next door something to whinge about.
After the ultimate camping breakfast we set out to visit the vibrant oasis of Brits. For those of you that do not know Brits, it is a small town consisting of about 3 million indigenous people and a bevy of very aggressive older men and woman.
We could not lose focus, the purpose of our visit was to find one of the inventions of the century, an OSCILLATING FAN. So our first stop was the local Supermarket. After looking in the hardware section and with no sales person anywhere in sight we came across something almost resembling a human being. He looked like one, almost acted like one…but what happened next convinced me that there must be life on other planets! The greeting went well I said good morning and he said yebo, this left me with the assurance that we were not at Harrods in London. My one friend popped the big question "do you have Oscillating Fans that you wish to part ways with in exchange for financial remuneration" The reply was very short and to the point "Osfa huh eish!" A deep breath, flip it!! As I turned around my other mate was having a Tete de Tete with one of 4 older woman who were trying to explain where the Endret Secroit (secret location) is where Oscillating Fans are kept. My one friend immediately recognized one of the older ladies from a National Geographic he had read at the doctors rooms not so long ago, an incumbent Miss Brits from years gone by, she was airlifted safely from the Titanic 97 years ago. The name of this secret hideout was not here but in a shop called "Dr Eiers". These old ducks were laughing at their own joke until the one explained that it was actually called "Dreiers", jeeez that was funny!! Now hearing a stoere boere tannie who insists in explaining in English, directions to somewhere close to a railway line was extremely painful. None of us were very fond of trains and railway lines ever since we were put on a train as 18 year olds to go and do our national service, we thanked all the tannies and said our good byes. As we were about to leave John said this was becoming hard work and we should buy some coldrink from the establishment we were in. As we arrived at the cashier to pay for our goods…Miss Brits whom we had just met, took offence…nobody has ever taken her place in a line ever since she had to wait in a queue on the Titanic for a lifeboat and it aint gonna happen today either, she was foaming at the mouth. As absolute gentlemen, we were gracious in defeat.
The search continued… not even my Tom Tom Dick Dick Harry Harry could find this railway line. We were left with no option than to drive around the Brits business district. Shop one…..sorry, shop two sorry again and then shop three we came across the captains of industry, those who will turn this economic slump around… their answer to our quest…. Yes we have a one but "eish she is not working…"
Our spirits were down and we needed a beer, we have given it our all and have nothing to show for it. We were the Bill Gates of Brits, money a plenty but couldn't even buy a micro chip. As we drove around looking for inspiration, quoting phrases from world renowned philosophers like Mike Schutte, Kallie Knoetze and the like …there it was right in front of us…Dreiers…the answer to our prayers. Into the shop we walked…proudly steadfast…overwhelmed by this massive retail space that makes Menlyn look like Mel Gibson’s wallet after his divorce. John felt like a child again, completely overwhelmed…emotional… suddenly realized what he had missed in his childhood…a pellet gun! We had to drag him away like a naughty child. It’s at times like this when great men stand up and even greater men focus at the job at hand…and this is what we did, we focused. And then right in front of us…there it was…a 52cm desktop Oscillating Fan. This was a defining moment for us, we had succeeded, but just as we thought our pain was over…over walked Albert Einstein Jnr who was also young business man of the year in Brits...who’s sole responsibility it is to say "Kan ek jou help ....Can I please help you"? Well we immediately rejected his offer as we had found our treasure all by ourselves. I did however ask him if they might have smaller Oscillating Fans. The reply was nothing that we’re not used to…NO!
So we settled for the 52cm Oscillating Fan and left in peace. We arrived back at our campsite after a gruelling 4 hour ordeal in the streets of Brits, to find the women huddled in the camp chairs, wine in hand, chatting like they had not seen each other in years. My wife turned to me as she gasped for air during the conversation and said "those hooter things have been going wild". We ran to the fishing rods to find a "kraaines" of note. Us manne looked at each other with a smile, shook our heads and Hendrik remarked, "A woman aha", Johns face lit up and he said "Miss Brits was more fun than this bunch"! As for me, I know when its time to shut up!
END PART 1
[line]
DISCLAIMER: Please note this story should be read tongue in cheek, no people, animals, fish or fauna and flora was harmed in this process, any reference to any people dead or alive is purely co-incidental, literary freedom was used excessively, enjoy your week.
My one friend has always been a bit slow, his wife had given birth to their first child 6 months earlier, the problem was that they were both 45 years old. We had coached him for many years and he eventually got it right. This poor guy and his wife have been referred to as "Ouma and Oupa" on many occasions. Anyway this little treasure of theirs screamed her lungs out and apparently needed "white noise" to calm her down in the strange surroundings, we needed to get hold of an Oscillating Fan or the next evening we would give the youngsters next door something to whinge about.
After the ultimate camping breakfast we set out to visit the vibrant oasis of Brits. For those of you that do not know Brits, it is a small town consisting of about 3 million indigenous people and a bevy of very aggressive older men and woman.
We could not lose focus, the purpose of our visit was to find one of the inventions of the century, an OSCILLATING FAN. So our first stop was the local Supermarket. After looking in the hardware section and with no sales person anywhere in sight we came across something almost resembling a human being. He looked like one, almost acted like one…but what happened next convinced me that there must be life on other planets! The greeting went well I said good morning and he said yebo, this left me with the assurance that we were not at Harrods in London. My one friend popped the big question "do you have Oscillating Fans that you wish to part ways with in exchange for financial remuneration" The reply was very short and to the point "Osfa huh eish!" A deep breath, flip it!! As I turned around my other mate was having a Tete de Tete with one of 4 older woman who were trying to explain where the Endret Secroit (secret location) is where Oscillating Fans are kept. My one friend immediately recognized one of the older ladies from a National Geographic he had read at the doctors rooms not so long ago, an incumbent Miss Brits from years gone by, she was airlifted safely from the Titanic 97 years ago. The name of this secret hideout was not here but in a shop called "Dr Eiers". These old ducks were laughing at their own joke until the one explained that it was actually called "Dreiers", jeeez that was funny!! Now hearing a stoere boere tannie who insists in explaining in English, directions to somewhere close to a railway line was extremely painful. None of us were very fond of trains and railway lines ever since we were put on a train as 18 year olds to go and do our national service, we thanked all the tannies and said our good byes. As we were about to leave John said this was becoming hard work and we should buy some coldrink from the establishment we were in. As we arrived at the cashier to pay for our goods…Miss Brits whom we had just met, took offence…nobody has ever taken her place in a line ever since she had to wait in a queue on the Titanic for a lifeboat and it aint gonna happen today either, she was foaming at the mouth. As absolute gentlemen, we were gracious in defeat.
The search continued… not even my Tom Tom Dick Dick Harry Harry could find this railway line. We were left with no option than to drive around the Brits business district. Shop one…..sorry, shop two sorry again and then shop three we came across the captains of industry, those who will turn this economic slump around… their answer to our quest…. Yes we have a one but "eish she is not working…"
Our spirits were down and we needed a beer, we have given it our all and have nothing to show for it. We were the Bill Gates of Brits, money a plenty but couldn't even buy a micro chip. As we drove around looking for inspiration, quoting phrases from world renowned philosophers like Mike Schutte, Kallie Knoetze and the like …there it was right in front of us…Dreiers…the answer to our prayers. Into the shop we walked…proudly steadfast…overwhelmed by this massive retail space that makes Menlyn look like Mel Gibson’s wallet after his divorce. John felt like a child again, completely overwhelmed…emotional… suddenly realized what he had missed in his childhood…a pellet gun! We had to drag him away like a naughty child. It’s at times like this when great men stand up and even greater men focus at the job at hand…and this is what we did, we focused. And then right in front of us…there it was…a 52cm desktop Oscillating Fan. This was a defining moment for us, we had succeeded, but just as we thought our pain was over…over walked Albert Einstein Jnr who was also young business man of the year in Brits...who’s sole responsibility it is to say "Kan ek jou help ....Can I please help you"? Well we immediately rejected his offer as we had found our treasure all by ourselves. I did however ask him if they might have smaller Oscillating Fans. The reply was nothing that we’re not used to…NO!
So we settled for the 52cm Oscillating Fan and left in peace. We arrived back at our campsite after a gruelling 4 hour ordeal in the streets of Brits, to find the women huddled in the camp chairs, wine in hand, chatting like they had not seen each other in years. My wife turned to me as she gasped for air during the conversation and said "those hooter things have been going wild". We ran to the fishing rods to find a "kraaines" of note. Us manne looked at each other with a smile, shook our heads and Hendrik remarked, "A woman aha", Johns face lit up and he said "Miss Brits was more fun than this bunch"! As for me, I know when its time to shut up!
END PART 1
[line]
DISCLAIMER: Please note this story should be read tongue in cheek, no people, animals, fish or fauna and flora was harmed in this process, any reference to any people dead or alive is purely co-incidental, literary freedom was used excessively, enjoy your week.